What’s in a name? I’m sure all of you can remember your days in school. Whether it was elementary, middle or high school some poor unfortunate soul was blessed with an unfortunate name. And as children (who can be cruel) love the names they can use as weapons out on the playground.

I’m very familiar with this myself having to endure the last name “Youngman”. I once had a study hall monitor that called every male student young man. “Go sit down young man. What is it that you think you’re doing young man?” Of course if I was not paying attention to my surroundings (which I frequently didn’t) I would answer. But even with a “unique” last name like mine there are plenty of people who have endured much worse. And with new players on the Cleveland Browns like Frostee Rucker, and Brad Smelley , I thought now would be a good time to look at some other unfortunate souls around the NFL and the game of football.

First let’s examine some unfortunate names that are linked to companies and products. The first was one of my all-time favorites’ former Browns running back Ben Gay. What exactly would possess someone to name their son after a product used for locker-room high-jinx and sore muscles. How many times do you think young Benjamin Gay suffered at the hands of team mates in high-school and all the way up through the NFL? I’m sure he dressed very carefully. The other name I love is wide receiver Phillip Morris. Why on earth would you name your kid Phillip Morris? Why not just place the name Marlboro on his Jersey, it’s all the same thing. I wonder if someone somewhere is named Joe Camel?

Some male athletes have endured their entire lives with girls’ names, and not just any girls’ names. I’m not even talking about the “could go either way” names like Erin, or Francis. I would be referring to flat-out, unmistakable girls’ names. One example is corner-back Shareece Wright. And he is certainly not alone. G Shelley Smith, LB Ashley Palmer, Maxi Baughan, and DE Melila Purcell are in the same boat with him.

Next you have names that are less likely to be NFL stars and more likely to be the names on the back of a porn DVD label. Names like WR Lance Long, C Rudy Niswanger, and T Ed Wang Immediately come to mind. If you want to make it a stretch there is also Captain Munnerlyn, Lucious Pusey, and Dick Flowers But the all-time greatest name in this category would have to be former Cleveland wide receiver Fair Hooker. Is there really anything else you can say about that one?

But still others are just flat out funny. One example would be Guy Whimper. Whimper attended East Carolina and was drafted to the NFL in 2006 by New York making him a Giant Whimper. He then joined up with the Jaguars in 2010, but with a name like Whimper he should have been a Brown.

How about Lousaka Polite? What makes his name even better is his position. He plays fullback in the NFL and as we all know fullbacks are one of the grunts for an NFL team. Their job is to clear the path for the “big ‘money” running backs of the league.

One of the best names in football has to be Richie Incognito. He’s 6-foot-3, 324 pounds of pure terror on the field. I often think he missed his calling as an intelligence agent with the C.I.A or the F.B.I. I definitely think that with a last name like “Incognito”, he would be a must in the intelligence community. Maybe after football he can work for the F.B.I with Peyton Hillis.

Finally we come to what is probably the most ironic name in all of football. Wide receiver Maurice Purify was a Criminal Justice major at Nebraska. While aspiring to become a humble government servant of our nations’ courts he ensured an up-close look at the system. He was arrested twice while at college and spent a week under house arrest in 2007 for probation violations. Clearly he is the poster-boy for Irony.

So if you are a “young man” or young woman and are just now considering starting a family of your own, then please keep this article in mind. You never know what your kids will grow up to be.

Do you know of any great players names? Let us know.